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Mr. Gould Goes Off on Girls Who Wear Wedges

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...And then our inbox started to get nauseous - you guessed it - another letter of complaint critique from Mr. Gould. Only this time it's addressed to all of us who love wedges. Whether this is a real issue or not - we feel like there may be a few valid points about scrunchies and out-dated sweaters that he brings to the table...

Dear Wedge Wearers:

Wedges are pretty cool, huh? I mean who can blame those who love 'em, right? They make your feet look like horse hooves or like some kind of alien creature is eating your legs! Cute! They also make your legs look fat! Fat legs are so spring this year, guys!

Look, let’s get serious for a moment, okay? Five years from now you’ll all carry on with your gurl frans and laugh about wedges while comparing them to your favorite scrunchies from 1996. The last two times that wedges were in style were the 70’s and the 90’s and just look how fondly we look back on the fashion of those decades.

Yeah, think about that, pal.

In lieu of "Ugly Sweater Parties", frats will throw "Ugly Wedges Parties" in 2017. The shelves of Unique and Goodwill will be fully stocked with amazing wedges from 2012 and people will buy them for $4 while laughing about how horrible they are. I mean this is going to happen, people! 2017, mark your calendar.

So, five years from now, provided that the world doesn’t end this December, do you really want to look back in your Facebook Timeline and see these terrible, awful, goddamn disgusting things consuming your legs? No! So, just stop it. Just stop. Seriously, stop.

Sincerely,
Brett Gould

· All Posts From Mr. Gould's Complaint Corner [Racked]